That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
i need to put some appletini on your dick
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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