you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
