You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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