D3 body, D1 cock
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
