I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
