I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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