Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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