youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Randomize
