I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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