I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
