She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
