Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
