So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Brb crying the tears of my youth
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
