Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
