she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Randomize
