You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
