My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
