Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
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