I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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