Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
