Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
