I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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