You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
