I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
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