AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
