I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
