Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
