Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
