I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
