I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
