I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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