It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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