I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
