I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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