Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
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