we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
