the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Randomize
