in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
