I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
