I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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