you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
