In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
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It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
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