M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
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why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
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She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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