The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
