omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
