Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
