Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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