Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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