Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Randomize
