dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
You did what with his pubic hair?
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
