The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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