I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Randomize
