There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
