I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
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