But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
