im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
