My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Randomize
