my vag is so smooth its legendary
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
