Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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