What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
