There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
