Are we in a gay sports bar?
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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