Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
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Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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