I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Randomize
