No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
