tonight lets celebrate not being married
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
