It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
