She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
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"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
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But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize