i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
YAS. BRING CRAB.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
