3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Randomize
