Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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