He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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