May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
