Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
barbara walters just said penis...
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
